


In My Head

by sunshine_locks



Series: Reflections [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, Gen, Mental Illness, maladaptive daydreaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 18:02:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20157775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshine_locks/pseuds/sunshine_locks
Summary: Minnie wished she could stop dreaming.





	In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> maladaptive daydreaming
> 
> verb
> 
> 1\. a disordered form of dissociative absorption associated with vivid and excessive fantasy activity that often involves elaborate and fanciful scenarios. it can result in distress, can replace human interaction and may interfere with normal functioning such as social life or work.

So, there’s this girl, right? Minnie wasn’t sure of her name. Maybe it was Ava, Isabella, Sophia, Charlotte, Dominique, or any other multitude of names, really, but let’s call her Dominique for the sake of continuity. (It was the oddest thing, for the name of all things to not matter, but she digressed.)

So. Dominique. She was Korean, had mid-length hair, was about average height, and had a fair enough face (Minnie chose not to think about how eerily familiar Dominique was to Minnie). She was intelligent, loved by those that mattered, and had the most intriguing life. Sometimes, the worst things happened to Dominique—like being caught up in a train crash, being kidnapped, or even being stuck in the unhealthiest relationships. She wasn’t perfect by any means, but she knew how to take things with grace.

Despite all of this, Minnie was interested—actually, that word didn’t even encompass how she felt about this girl. Her interest in Dominique and her life was to an unhealthy point. She knew practically everything, to every detail about her background, and every possible thing that could happen in her future. These things changed all the time, but regardless, Minnie was aware of everything that went on in this girl’s life.

Minnie daydreamed about this girl every day for hours at a time, during free time, during class, and especially when watching movies, listening to music, or reading books (but that didn’t happen that often anyways). It wasn’t as if she actively chose to do it, but it was like an ongoing movie in her mind she couldn’t stop in which she was the director. She controlled Dominique’s life, pretty much, and certain scenes repeated in her mind how she wanted it to, whether it was for the pleasure of seeing it again, or for just having that scene happen again except a little to the left.

She enjoyed daydreaming. It was intensely pleasurable for her, brought her happiness like nothing else could. Maybe like writing, but her writing hobby couldn’t hold a candle.

What would it be today? Minnie could think about how Dominique was in her relationship (which was much healthier than her previous one), or she could think about how she would meet and befriend her favorite idol. Anything could happen, and that was the fun in dreaming up a whole new world, a world in everything was written out and predictable, yet still gave her the same rush of happiness every time she returned.

But before she could even put on her music and earphones in, she was interrupted by her sister opening the door to her room, and Minnie scowled to herself, feeling an unfortunately familiar flare of irritation and embarrassment in her chest.

It wouldn’t be the first time that her sister had caught her in the act of pacing around the room, or even just staring off into space as she pounced her leg. It made her look like a lunatic, and that was the last thing she wanted to be, even as she felt like she was descending into insanity these past few weeks.

Minnie didn’t know why she felt like crying at odd moments in her days when she seemingly wasn’t thinking about anything particularly sad, or why she felt intense jealousy when she saw her friends hanging out together having fun and being happy, or why she felt like her future was doomed for failure. (No matter how she ended up thinking about it, she always ended up dying, whether by her hand or by something else. Most of the time, it was by her hand. Sometimes it was Dominique that it happened to, but who was she kidding? Dominique was clearly an extension of herself.)

“Hey, Tor. What’s up?” Minnie asked tiredly.

Tor gazed at her for a moment. “…Dinner’s ready.”

Minnie nodded, almost going back to her repetitive pacing. She blinked when Tor didn’t move from her spot at the edge of her room. She stared at her.

“Are you okay? Like, I’m asking seriously. I know you’ve always been a bit of a spacy person, but recently, I feel like we’re losing you. You’re with us, but you almost never talk to us, always off in your head. Is everything alright?”

She blinked rapidly. This would be first time someone’s noticed that something was a bit odd with her. Regardless, her answer was, “Everything’s fine.”

Tor looked at her disbelievingly, shook her head, and then turned to leave.

She wondered. Her daydreaming had been with her all her life. It couldn’t be denied that it was her favorite pastime, but sometimes it worried her how often her daydreaming took priority over everything else. Over listening to the lecture in class or studying for an exam that would bring her grade down a couple letters if she failed, or how often she spaced out even when talking to her friends. Her cherished friends whom she loved with all her heart. Her cherished friends she wasn’t sure loved her back as much as she did.

And now? Now it was summer break, and there was nothing of consequence. Minnie hadn’t seen her friends in about three months, and she didn’t know how to cure the boredom and apathy that was ailing her. She didn’t know what to do about it, didn’t want to ask for help, didn’t want to go outside, didn’t want to get up in the mornings. She was just so _tired_.

Do you know what she did have though? She had Dominique and the wonderful world living inside her head, and every one of Dominique’s friends who would greet her with loving arms and make her feel whole and healthy again and like her life had some semblance of meaning. Minnie couldn’t possibly live the fulfilling life that Dominique had, so she chose the next best thing.

Minnie wished she could stop dreaming, but who was she to deny herself the one thing that made her feel happy?

**Author's Note:**

> a story that i wrote on a whim that's really personal to me, but honestly, when aren't my stories personal to me? 
> 
> so a little clarification about this. maladaptive daydreaming is not a psychiatric disorder that can be diagnosed, though that doesn't make it any less debilitating. to my knowledge, it is not a form of schizophrenia because maladaptive daydreamers can usually tell their dreams apart from reality. it usually occurs as a coping mechanism in response to trauma, abuse, or loneliness. 
> 
> i'd write a little bit more on this but honestly i'm not about to write a whole disorder analysis in this end note, lmao. you can find good resources using the 'actuallymadd' tag on tumblr, the wikipedia page, and doing a good old deepdive on google.
> 
> definition taken from wikipedia.
> 
> word count: 1,000


End file.
